The Ghey Curse

Sigh.

Being ghey is never easy, issit ?

Not only we have to deal with pesky omg-omg-i-know-this-single-accountant-girl-so-should-i-shall-i-? enemies relatives, we are also emo-freaks ! Being menstrual is a norm occurrence for us bumboys. Just like them real girls with real labia but without discharges. But that's just a scratch on the surface.

We are also one paranoid-slash-insecure bunch. We constantly remind ourselves that we are fab, deluded or not. Or that, one more bite of that keropok lekor and you're officially a tractor.

Vanity is our religion and gym is our shrine. In fact, any ghey boy worthy of his coiffured pubes will flag his gold gym membership card for all to see. Not a member ? Mygawd, such sin. Not a member and you're a fat ghey boy ? Sorry babe, not even Satan would want you as his cuffed slave ! Gym is no longer just part of a lifestyle, lurve. It's a necessity, for pete's sake.

Like it or not, we must also constantly re-invent ourselves. In order to be marketable. And not just for the niche market. Oh, come on, let's face it.

Niche is sad. Mass is gay.

So evidently, we dig deep for those foundation, mascara, eyecurlers and what-not. To keep up. And of course, that's just a scratch too. What is a ghey boy without his nice v-necks, calvin klien undies, rock-and-republic jeans and those to-die-for manolos ?

But heck, that's not really an issue lah. We are conditioned for those dang, more or less, no ? Not really that shocking for most in the fraternity, so to speak. And me included.

But what I am SO not prepared for, are these lil gems:

So, ed, what are you ? You know, are you a girl or boy ? What's flip-flop ? ( Omg, stop rolling your eyes, beyotches ! ) Oh, how many men have you slept with, arh ? Wah, so many meh ?So, when was your first time arh ? Good or not ? Eh, why you like cock arh ? How long you know you like cock, already ? Petpet no good for you meh ?

Okay, some of you will think - Eh, what's so big deal with those ? We girls like to share info, wat ! Well, of course we do. And I won't even bat an eyelid if it's some intrusion from me bitches. But fuck me, not when it's being posted by some hometown friends. Straighter-than-pole hommies-slash-primary-slash-secondary-school-frens that I have known for 20-odd years and to whom I have recently came out to. Now, ever since that rain-on-me day, not only I'm their designated ghey-encyclopedia, apparently I'm also the resident's slut !

Men-to-men thingamajig ? Oh, we know, let's ask ed ! He ah, a lot of experience wan !

Damn, this is shitty ! Now, I am prepared to be constantly moody and critical of pisang goreng/goreng pisang. Heck, I'm even ready to attend another round of family wedding dinner. But to be straight men's consultant to anything ghey, that, my dear, am not prepared just yet. Like it's totally weird-ing me out. And a bit salah too.

Boys, like, can't we talk about Man U, cars and why Ipoh chicks are so damn fair, instead ? Just like good old days, no ?