London, Beijing or Hong Kong ?

*fanning furiously*

Omg, they are back !

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha ....

How To Annoy Your Friend Trick No 54

ed says : Shite. I'm upset.
he says : Omg. why ? What's wrong ?
ed says : I've left the tweezer in my hometown !!!
he says : Huh ? for what ?
ed says : Hello. Didnt you notice that me armpits are beansprout-free !?
he says : Wtf ! $@#$%!!?&

and just like that, he went offline. Heh.

The 7 Hours Difference

So what if we’ve been there, done that and probably still be doing it in months to come.

It’s a drag to wake up, realizing that I won’t be meeting him later tonight.

Saying goodbye is definitely not my forte. And never will be.

Holy Cow !

The smell of oregano pervaded the air.

Ty, go away. Go and play in the living hall ! Pa is cooking here, can’t you see ? Shoo.

…

Hey you ! How’s your day ?

He crept up from behind and caught me by surprise.

Damn. Don’t that again ! You nearly made me spill the sauce with your hello ! Since when you are back ? I pretty sure I didn’t hear the door opening.

Well, of course, else where's the surprise then ? Heh.

He retorted before dishing out a small peck on my face.

Aiks ! I’m oily, for pete’s sake. Now, go and wash up. Dinner will be ready soon. And oh, please get the poor boy some food if you can. The way he is wagging, he certainly is waiting for his.

Yes, ma’am. Mandate noted.

He smirked.

And I rolled my eyes and continue cooking my pasta sauce.

The End.

.............................

I once told a dear friend my picket fence cookie cutter of a dream. Ages ago.

God, I'm such a woman !

Apostrophe-ed

Their wedding triggered it. If only he wasn’t who he is. If I’m a woman instead.

Annual What ?

Okay, I admit it. I’m super bitch when it comes to ‘little’ things. Things like :

Narcissistic retards that fucken gloat about themselves 24-7. Super sweet teh ais when I ordered it kurang manis. Spams. Durians.

And of course, unnecessary annual fees that's automatically charged into one's account.

Yeah, things like those get on my tits. Big time.

So, imagine me horror when I casually surfed into one of me accounts this morning, only to find that I was bitch-slapped with one.

Within seconds, this is what happened :

“Hi good morning Mr O. This is Gina speaking. How can I assist you ? “

“Yes, you can, Gina. There’s an annual fee charged into my account this month. And I’m not happy with it.”

“Okay. Oh, by the way, are you in Singapore, Mr O ?”

“Nope, I haven’t been back for quite sometime now. And if you look all my previous transactions, you will notice that it’s not transacted in Singapore. But that’s not relevant of me not being happy, right ? ”

“Yes, Mr O. Kindly gives me a moment and I’ll get back to you on this. Is that alright ?”

“Sure. A moment it is then.”

“Thanks.”

After a few minutes listening to crappy jingles :-

“Thanks for holding, Mr O. I have look into your request and I’m glad to inform you that the annual fees will be waived off for you.”

“Okay, thanks. Bye.”

“Okay, thanks for calling then. Have a nice day ahead, Mr O.”

"Sure. You too."

Moral of the story ?

Never pay for your credit card annual fees, like ever, people ! Call ‘em up and speak like a bitch with a super annoying fake accent and a waiver will be yours. Guaranteed.

Personally vouched by yours truly.

My First Time No #278

Of having my brows plucked. By someone other than meself.

The feeling inside ?

Weird. And very very ghey.

Decision Decision

"And another thing that Rosmah did not take into consideration is that Pak Lah would remarry. So that relegates her back to the role of Second Lady" - excerpts taken here.

Holy cow ! Politics was never this sexy ! I had a friggin blast reading that and this.

Classic ! Full-on Dynasty. Full of meows and much much more ... fuck friggity fuck, I like !

So, which team are you ?

Chow Kit Next Top Hag

Am I cursed or what ?

All my lovely beautiful fag hags are either already plonked their arses in some foreign countries or going to be soon. First it was Adrina. Then Kate.

And now – my dear lovely Lili. That bitch is moving to the land of Gruyère cheese soon. To be nearer to the bf was her excuse but who is she kidding la ! Basically, that bitch has finally made it. She no longer needs to work, that bitch. Instead, she will have a small allowance to reward herself a LV come each month. Basically, Tai-tai will be her middle name. Jealous !

Anyway, so yeah..that bitch will be dipping her soy-sauce in Geneva come July. And with her gone, my status as an elitist ghey will be instantaneously downgraded as I will have no hag to flag ! Imagine this. All my hard work to amass meself fab hags over the years will be down the drain, literally.

So, nope, I could never let that happen. Never.

Desperate times calls for desperate measures. Thus, with that in mind, I have already zero-ed my interest on the latest casualty.

Boys. Let me introduce you to Yen.

Ex-Singapore girl. Now, a freelance make-up artist and trainer. Currently dating a yoga instructor *roll fishy eyes*. 5 feet 2 ( don't ask me how she got into SIA. Coz I have no friggin idea too ! High heels during interviews ? ). Petite and nimble. Shoulder length curvy hair. Very pretty with nice sweet dimples. But non prettier nor sweeter dimples than mine. *flips hair*

Near perfect ! Potential gem, no ?

So, folks, wish me luck in bagging her as my new accessory muse, yar !

Meanwhile, here’s a virtual toast to the homegirl, my dear fab Lili. You have served your reign extremely well and that any future new bag hag certainly got a super big stilettoes to fill ...

Have fun scrapping cheese in Swiss, girl !

Peace out !

The Anniversary

God. It’s been a year since I’m back. Fuck. That’s fast. Didn’t I just twirl my big fat arse at Old Compton St, wearing my super fab Fabris Lane sunnies and plus-size jeans , like 4 days ago? Sigh … if only....

Yeah, I still miss Brit a lot. The greasy breakfast. The menstrual weather. The smell of council estates ( trust me, you can smell ‘em buildings. I kid you not. ) and of course, it’s scally residents. Omg. The scally men. Pound-me-hard look. Nasty. And often pasty. Omg, what’s there not to like ?

Anyway, so yeah…I’ve been back for a year now. And inevitably, there’s a report card to be submitted.

So how did the one year fare?

Well… it wasn’t smooth, that’s for sure. New environment. New job. New mode of relationship. New this and that. And like everything new, unfortunately, it’s not always good and fey. Lots of adjustment and compromises were made and wailed at. And not to mention heaps of frustrations and motel bills. Starting all over again was tough but being in a long distance relationship is even tougher.

Certainly ain’t an easy stroll. Admittedly, there were times where I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation, tempted to just raise the white flag and call it a day. Cried a bucket and a half. Kaput and all.

Oh come on ! Before you lots brandished me as a weak oriental doormat, cut me some slacks here, okay ... I'm only a ghey, you see. Drama is in my blood, for pete sake.

Oh well, I'm digressing again. Anyway, having bitched all that jazz, well, I’m glad that I managed to drag both my tits to the one year mark with minimum bruises.

Hey, at least I survived.

And as much as I want to credit my survival solely on meself, I can't. For I realized that, well … running alone is alright. But strolling beramai-ramai is way better.

Hence, here’s a toast to the folks that has willingly or unwillingly strut along with me during those bleak time of mine ( *insert drama episodes here* ). Without you lots, I probably would have jumped into that stinking mining pond in my fiery chilli red cheongsam during one of those roadblocks. Seriously.

So, fittingly, this entry is for you lots. Happy Anniversary, folks !

*shows gratitude face*